A Conversation to Take to Heart

After I posted my previous blog post, I found myself in a conversation with a very good friend of mine. I saw that my buddy Jon was on chat and popped in for a good converasation with him. Jon is a good friend of mine and we've known each other since we were in middle school together. Jon has always pushed me philisophically and mentally and today was no different. His relationship with me is truly one of "iron sharpening iron" and we both enjoy a good talk with one another. Today, after reading my blog post, this conversation started up (keep in mind, it is edited for continuity) (italicized comments are thoughts and necessary information for understanding the conversation):

Me: Dude... got super philisophical on my blog today... and wrote this: "It's disconcerting to see what was once was a holiday celebrating the defiance of a Christian man upholding the sanctity of marriage, turned into a revelry of what is nothing more than sex and sugar."

I feel like a great writer. :D

Jon: I actually just finished reading that, as a matter of fact

it made me think of this: http://xkcd.com/1016/

Me: Congrats bud, you have pushed me into a higher state of writing. :D

Jon: I'm glad.

:)

And hopefully by higher you mean that you drank about 3 Marley's (Jon introduced me to a fantastic drink called the "Bob Marley Relazation Drink" that completely relaxes the mind and body of the drinker. Basically it's designed to be a "canned weed" drink that's completely legal)  before you sat down to write

But in all seriousness, I'm glad you're thinking and writing deeply

Me: Actually most of my contemplation on my blog comes from me being bored at work. XD (I work at a hotel where there's quite a bit of downtime)

Jon: Nice.

Although, after the facebook posts I've seen today, I'm convinced I'm the only person alive who actually likes holidays

Me: I do like holidays. (I swear I'm not a grinch) I just don't like the ones that were twisted into something other than what they were originally meant to be. Of course I love tomorrow. Clearance candy sales errwhere. YAY!

Jon: Why does that make you upset?

The twisting of holidays.

Me: (Honestly this question caught me completely off guard so my response wasn't the best one) I know I shouldn't be too upset about it. We live in a secular world where the biggest voice is money, but maybe my imagination wants to view the world from a more naive perspective where people are basically good and Man wants to help one another.

Or maybe I've just completely given up on society and choose to live in a world of fantasy because our world is truly beyond help. Faries and elves tend to haunt my dreamscape.

Dang I'm philisophical today. (I felt pretty good about myself, mostly because of that answer and I had received a very positive comment on my previous blog post)

Jon: Do you want society to change?

It's not a trick question.

Me: See I know what you're going to say: If I say yes, then you'll say "Then be the change you want to see in the world." If I say no, then you'll say "Learn to accept the world you live in bud."

:)

I'm a ninja. (It's true) I can snatch the thoughts before you have them. (Also true)

Jon: It goes further than being the change you want to see. (Ouch... should have seen that one coming)

Me: Ok. But that was just a summary of your thoughts. Don't expect me to dive into that vast chasm you call your brain. I might never escape. ;) (I often revert to sarcasm to escape the harsh reality of life... and harsh questions of Jon)

(Here Jon got a bit ahead of my typing, so if his next comments and my answers seem a bit disjointed, it is because I have edited to provide a bit of a smoother flow) And I know that in order to change the world around me I have to actively engage in it and slowly change the perceptions around me. It will be a long and arduous passage which I might not even see the fruition of my efforts. And it frustrates me, but at the same time gives me hope for the future generations.

Jon: What is missing from the Hallmark/commercial version of holidays? If that's the case, then for the love of God, the world and all of us, don't give up and disengage!
Me: In my opinion: the spirit of the holidays. Yes, the "commercial" holidays get it right with Valentines day being about "love" and Christmas about giving rather than getting, but those are just surface issues. Valentines Day is about emphasizing the love that you have for your significant other throughout the year. It's about the sacrifices that are made on normal days. The days where your spouse is feeling sick and you go the extra mile to help them. Christmas is about the gift of Christ and how that gift has saved our souls. Yes giving gifts is great, but we also need to focus on the fact that this is a rememberance of the day that God gave the greatest gift: his son Jesus.

Jon: Who do you think influences the holiday more forcefully: those who refuse to celebrate it or those who really truly celebrate it as it was meant to be celebrated? 

Me: You're putting forth fantastic points friend. I guess I'm trying to be the third choice there. I'm not really celebrating today because I don't have anyone, but I'm trying (especially with the blog post) to point people in the right direction.

Jon: So, how do you, as a single, unmarried man, wanting the Valentines Day holiday to be more than "sex and sugar" celebrate the gift of God that is marriage?

Me:Valentines Day shouldn't be this huge celebration of a couple's love. If the relationship is built correctly, then their days should be full of days like Valentines Day. Valentines day should just be another every other day where something special is done for the other person.

Jon: St. Valentine was single too.

I'll stop being Socratic and lay my cards on the table for you:

You're right. Couples should love each other all year round. They should serve each other all year around. Valentine's Day should not be the only day that men demonstrate their love for the woman in their life.

However, (I honestly don't know what he was going to say here... he never finished his thought)

Me: You make a fantastic point. I agree with you. All I'm saying is that Valetines Day shouldn't be that one "special day" where you go all out for your spouse during the year.

Jon: The key word there is "one" special day

The problem is not the special-ness of the day. The problem is the "one."

Me: That's what I mean. I didn't mean to imply that every day you do something. That would be (to borrow a fantastic word) inconceivable. It would take too much effort to do something special every day. Just make an effort to be spontaneous and show your spouse you love them with little things, and maybe something big every once in a while.

Jon: And my question is "Why not?" If you are a man who shows your woman that you love her regularly, why should you refuse to do so on Valentine's Day, simply because it's a "corporate holiday."

Who has the power there?

If I refuse to celebrate for that reason, the corporations still win because you've still bought into their crap.

Me: And hey, I am totally for doing something for Valentines Day. It is a holiday to celebrate marriage. All I'm saying is that we shouldn't let it become a pilliar to base the relationship upon. I'm not saying don't celebrate because of the companies. Don't celebrate Valentines Day if that's all your relationship hinges upon.

Jon: Do you see what I mean?

I have yet to meet a couple outside of the junior high down the road that has that as a hinge

and they will break up next week and become moody and existential and hate valentines day for the rest of their lives.

Me: But most of your friends are mature adults and have a relationship established on the correct boundaries. For many in the secular world, Valentines Day is often a big deal.

Jon: So let's make it a big deal for the right reasons rather than not a big deal at all.
Me: Exactly.

Jon: You still haven't answered my question: How are you celebrating marriage as a single guy?

Me: As a single guy I am preserving myself for marriage. I am celebrating by saving my body for my future wife and thanking God for the relationship that awaits me in the future. (I have to make a point here, I just thought that Jon was referring to just how I celebrate Valentines Day. I did not expect him to move onto the rest of my single life.)

And gorging on candy. (I love the day after Valentines Day. Candy GALORE!)

:D

Jon: So, if I understand that correctly, you've just made two points (and I apologize for their bluntness...kind of): 1. Marriage is primarily about sex and 2. If we were to compare this to the parable of the servants with the talents, are you investing the money, or just sitting on it until the "right time?" (Ouch.)

(I cut a bit of the conversation here as it was redundant. Basically all that occurred here was me asking Jon if he minded if I shared this conversation here. He didn't.)

Here's the thing. I got hit head on by this idea a year or two ago and it absolutely rocked me:

I, by and large, wasted my singleness for a long time.

I had a list of things I wanted in a girl, but no list of things *I* was doing to be the kind of man some girl would want.

So often guys waste these years.

Love is about service of another person. So who are you serving now? It's not like the only person you can ever serve is your lover.

Marriage is about friendship. What are you doing to become a better friend to the friends you have now?

Being the man in a relationship means taking responsibility. Are you stepping up to responsibility now?

It also means knowing how to do practical things like budget money. Are you learning how to handle your finances?

All this stuff hit me head on, and I realized I had a LOT to learn before I could ever EVER be trusted to serve and take care of a woman. (At this point I wanted to make a snarky comment about how I had most of the stuff down, but then it hit me: how can I become a better man? If I answer sarcastically, I'm just falling back into my old ways. So I decided to take the high road and admit my status honestly)

Me: Wow. That does hit hard. And honestly, if I tried to answer right now, it would probably be a fluff answer with no real depth to it. But you put forth a good point. What am I doing to better myself for my future wife? Am I looking to further myself only, or am I just focused on what I can get in the here and now? (This really is something to think about. Not only for guys, but also girls)

Jon: See, for a long time I begged God for a girlfriend or someone to love. I didn't understand I wasn't able to handle that yet.

I had to grow up first.

So I offer that to you as a Valentine's Day gift.

Maybe that's how single guys should celebrate Valentine's Day.

Here's a link to a good list of stuff to think about and try to get a handle on in that whole preparation regard: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/questions-to-ask-when-preparing-for-marriage

I was looking through it last night too.

I just don't want to see guys simply "saving themselves" I want to see them *investing* themselves.

The intrest you get back on a savings account is lousey compared to what you get on an investment portfolio.

Me: Honestly I can say that this year has been a fire that I've had to go through. I have had to go through the fires of responsibility and money and it's changed me for the better. No more am I the single, "let's do everything that we can get our hands on" kind of guy. I think about finances and taking care of important things like jobs. And honestly. I know I'm not ready for a relationship yet. I still have quite a few things that I want to do still. But if God brings about the right girl, then I'll gladly take it. And I appreciate the advice. You have been incredible through the years and I truly value our friendship. May God bless you through the next few months as things begin getting crazy. Honestly, if there's anyone who I know is ready, it's you. (Jon is planning on proposing to his girlfriend within a close proximity to the writing of this simple blog post. If you're reading this Alyssa... You didn't hear it from me.)

Jon: Thanks, I appreciate that. And thanks for being honest.

My comments were of the "for what it's worth" nature.

Me: Of course that's all assuming you have money to invest. Unfortunately for the last few months all my money has been going to school. I am just getting enough hours to pay for rent and food... and hopefully some of my tuition. (This is me being an idiot and not realizing that Jon had meant that as a metaphor and not a literal idea. Now that I look through the conversation I finally understand what he meant there. I don't know how I missed it.)

Jon: And I'm glad you're at a more mature place than you were a year ago

that's the goal

I was using that as a metaphor, but true. (And I totally see that now. *facepalm*)

Me: It hasn't been easy. It's been one thing after another this year. But I know that it's just God preparing me for the future. I wish I had some thoughts to help you out but all I have is a simple prayer:
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Just know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. That's really all I have to offer.

At this point the conversation turned to other things (like "Existential Time With Jon and Josiah") and nothing more relevant came out of the conversation.
     Anyways, I know that this is an extra post, but feel free to comment on it. A bit thanks goes out to my buddy Jon (who some of you may know) for allowing me to post this conversation. I did enjoy posting this, so we might have more posted in the future. Who knows.
     Expect another blog post later on Saturday afternoon around 6 PM. Probably. Maybe.